I checked my phone, and there: a couple of messages from you (never continued cause I saw no point in it), next a few reminders for the class BBQ this coming Saturday, and then conversations with the other female friends that I have (cause all the guys are in NS). I read through the messages you sent me. ” -.- ” ” okayy malay and maths only”. It conjured up images in my mind as I thought, what if that conversation was to be enacted out in real life? I probably would have been talking to myself.

Like an experienced user, I then thumbed my way to the game Bounce. I found it to be entertaining, comforting in fact. It provided me an escape from the outside world when there were awkward or boring moments. I could stare into the tiny backlit screen of the handphone which you lent me, for hours, bouncing the big red ball into dangerous and unfamiliar virtual places. It’s ironic how you would chide me for playing Bounce. When it was an escape from awkward or boring moments. With you.

I walked past the silent flats, through the fluorescent  lit corridors and wondered how many people were sleeping, and then how many else were just quiet, pretending to be asleep. Those asleep must have been loyal to their sleep routine. What about the others? Perhaps some of them are facing troubles in their lives to the point of insomnia, while others were enjoying theirs through the humble television set or reading a book. I wondered what you were doing. Were you still playing on the computer? Maybe you were finishing up the last piece of your homework, maybe malay. I walked past my neighbour’s unit and it was all dark, silent. And in some ways I see an uncanny resemblance, we’re like neighbours, we’re so close but our backs are turned against each other, oblivious to each other.

I thought of all the things we’ve done together. All the memories shared. And I felt really lonely. I don’t know whether I should hold on to you, or let go. Some would say to let go would be to give up, but I’ve also heard that giving up someone does not mean you’re weak, it means you’re strong enough to let go. I was hurt badly enough at one moment to let go, but can I do that again? Do you really need me that badly?

Someone please  talk to me. Tell me everything’s all right.

Why am I such a failure?

I  dislike the short weekends, they dont let me see you as much <3

I dislike the early lights out, it snuffs out the remaining spark between us at night <3

I don’t miss your smses, I don’t miss your swish of the hair, I don’t miss the sweet sound of your voice

as

much

as

I miss you <3

after an hour you’d smell of food and smoke.

A few strands of hair is nothing!

I’d spend the entire day curling your hair if I could

I’d smash the machine if they let me win too many times ( just joking )

THE FIELD INSTRUCTORS

The Field Instructors (FIs) are those in charge of the squad for PT and drills. Naturally, they’d be the most garang ones in the facility. Listening to them shout is like listening to a dictionary filled only with expletives and bad words. No kidding. Favourite quotes, ‘Mangkok!’ ‘IDIOT!’ etc etc. Okay I was just kidding, their vocabulary is more expansive than just swear words. But of course they’re doing their job, and I must say they’re pretty good at it. Not to mention that if you’re really feeling unwell, then they’d really sit up and take care of you. But of course, zero tolerance for slackers and those who want to skip a day of PT.

WATER PARADE

Water parade is one of the most fascinating things in NS life. We have to drink down 500ml of plain water as a company, every morning 5:50AM and evening 8:50PM. The interesting thing about this ritualistic consumption of water, is that you really really get used to it even on the weekends. Like now, I get thirsty very very easily when without water. Unfortunately one of the drawbacks, is the throngs of guys queuing up outside the toilet to pee, after drinking half a litre of H20.

MY BUNK

Imagine a white walled, tiled floor rectangular room, filled with 10 single beds flanked by a personal locker on its left. 5 beds on the left, another 5 on the right. With windows at the end of the room, allowing us to view another building of barracks directly opposite ours. My bed is at the second bed nearest to those windows. Yeahh thats about it. What did you expect, 5 star hotel? My bunk is on the forth floor of the building. It’s a killer to go up and down, especially when your FI calls the squad down to form up in 30seconds etc.

FOOD

The food here is pretty awesome actually, for lunch and dinner there must always be 1. rice 2. chicken 3. fish 4. vegetables 5. some small fried food. But yes, you get tired of it very easily, and the food given is A LOT. No joke, I usually don’t finish my food cause it’s too much. And there are three meals altogether, breakfast lunch dinner. Nothing more, nothing less.

PUNISHMENT

It’s not as tough as I thought. Maybe cause of the recent deaths in the force, they decided to add more welfare into the training. But either way it gets a little ridiculous. 20pushups max is weird. And I really do feel for the previous intakes who had gone through much worse training as compared to mine. It must be infuriating to see so much welfare and easy treatment given to the new intake in the space of a few years, so different you can call it unfair to be born a few years earlier and had gone to the previous intakes.

But it’s still challenging. One time we had to do a lot a lot of jumping jacks and pushups and what not, instructed by one of our FIs. Almost half of my squad dropped out, leaving behind others (including me =p). That was exhausting.

Furthermore, the FIs really exert mental pressure on you. Screaming at you names and insults, and barraging questions at you can really affect you mental well being and state of mind, but only if you allow it to. One time, my squad was in our barracks when our FI appeared and told us to form up downstairs in 30 seconds at the parade square in front of the barracks. All of us were rushing down the flight of stairs, when one of my squadmates strolled nonchalantly into the toilet at our bunks. Understandably, our FI was furious.

(At the parade square, our FI already told him to get out of the toilet, he was standing up in front of him, the rest of us were in pushups position)

FI: Why did you go to the toilet?

FRIEND: It was urgent, sir.

FI: What makes you think your squadmates don’t have urgent business to do also? Are you being selfish?

FRIEND: Sorry, sir.

FI: HUH! Answer the qeustion! YOU’RE BEING A SELFISH IDIOT RIGHT?!

FRIEND: No, sir.

FI: THEN WHY DID YOU GO TO THE TOILET?!!

FRIEND: Sorry, sir.

FI: DONT TELL ME SORRY, WHYYY?!!!

Hmm. If NS is to be summed up in a sentence, it could possibly be, ‘ Listen to instructions, when none are given, use your own brain (last resort)’